Thursday, May 7, 2009

Would You Trust These Women With Your Children?

More mothers would entrust their children to lesbians Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi than to Jennifer Aniston, international tabloid sensation "Brangelina," and media titan Oprah Winfrey (whose omnipresent "best friend" Gayle King was not mentioned in the survey), according to a poll conducted by some website I've never heard of before.*

While this might seem mildly interesting on the surface -- Ooh, heterosexuals trust the gays not to corrupt their children! -- I think it's important to remember that Jennifer Aniston has kissed women on TV (and appeared in a Melissa Etheridge music video) and is way too obsessed with her hair not to travel everywhere with at least one gay man; Angelina Jolie is rather famously bisexual; and there's no way that Oprah (whose South African school for girls is apparently a hotbed of sinister 1950's-style predatory lesbianism, let us not forget) and Gayle aren't conducting revealing interviews with each other's genitalia when they have their famous Stedman-free sleepovers. In other words, those kids are gonna be around some degree of "the gay" regardless of who watches them.

(For the record, while I don't have real children yet, my girlfriend and I have an imaginary son that I wouldn't be opposed to letting DeGeneres and de Rossi babysit, but only if they promised not to pass him off to Ellen's hairstylist's family, à la lggy.)

* The Reuters website has been a bit unreliable for me today; if it doesn't work for you, freakin' Google the goddamn story. Don't be lazy!

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