Tuesday, March 3, 2009

What Is On This Lesbian's Head?

And did she kill it before putting it there? I've never seen Jane Velez-Mitchell on CNN (or Headline News) before, but it would add to the excitement of the broadcast if there was always the possibility that her hair -- which appears to be a roadkill-inspired variation on the Carol Brady shag -- might get up and walk away. (That's the kind of suspense that keeps me watching Frank Cusumano's sports segments on KSDK, don't you know.)

The most important parts of yesterday's New York Times profile of Velez-Mitchell were the following:
Jane Velez-Mitchell is a true-crime author, a television talking head, a lesbian, an animal activist, a recovering alcoholic and a vegan.
Ms. Velez-Mitchell's hour of water-cooler talk, delivered with heavy doses of opinion, reached an average of 596,000 viewers in February, up 74 percent from the slot's average for the same month last year, when the conservative commentator Glenn Beck was the host.
That's fantastic, isn't it, when HLN viewers prefer a lesbian vegan/animal activist to the insufferable Glenn Beck? The only thing I don't understand is why the Times had to point out that she's a recovering alcoholic: I'm pretty sure that "true-crime author" is a euphemism for that, so it was a little redundant.

P.S. If I ever get a gig on CNN, I plan on either wearing a clown wig or a Tina Turner circa "Private Dancer" wig on-air. Actually, who needs CNN as an excuse? I'm going to wear a rainbow-colored clown 'fro all day tomorrow just for the hell of it.

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