Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Kelly Clarkson Denies Being a Lesbian, Doesn't Deny Sucking*

"Why on earth would anyone think I'm a lesbian?"

My sister alerted me to this. I believe her exact words were "Kelly Clarkson says she isn't gay," followed by maniacal laughter. So there you have it: My sister thinks Ms. Clarkson's lying. As for Kelly herself, it's true that she recently told the web site PopEater she isn't gay. She added: "I could never be a lesbian. I would never want to date [someone like] myself, ever. I'm a crazy person. I need some kind of stable, quiet man." You hear that, world? She needs some kind of man. A man with a penis. The kind of penis that isn't neon purple and made of silicone, because she totally isn't a lesbian. (No word on whether that means she's bisexual...)

I'll admit that I'm not quite sure I buy what Kelly's selling here, but I get why she seized the opportunity to prattle on about her alleged heterosexuality. A simple Google search shows that a lot of people think she's gay, and she has a new album to promote. What I don't get is why she thinks that being a lesbian means she'd have to date someone like herself. It's not like one woman is every woman (unless she's Chaka Khan), so there's no logic to her attempted logic. Her comments about feminism weren't much better, which is why I suggest forgetting all about the PopEater interview and taking a gander at this picture of Kelly that was snapped at the Playboy Club a few months ago instead. She's posing like fucking Papi from "The L Word," people. Wake up and smell the flannel shirts.

* About the headline: I don't really think Kelly Clarkson sucks. (Anyone who sings "Crimson and Clover" in concert without changing the lyrics is all right with me.) It was just really hard to pass up using a headline like that.

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