Monday, January 26, 2009

Is Elijah Wood Safe and Accounted For?

Significant ice accumulation is expected in my neck of the woods tonight, which I'd normally welcome because I love horrible weather*, but I just saw "The Ice Storm" for the second time a few months ago when it was re-released on DVD and now I'm worried that my parents might be at a key party and my brother might accidentally drug Katie Holmes with sleeping pills intended for someone else.

The Katie Holmes thing is troubling because she's probably already being drugged by Tom Cruise or someone on his payroll, and if the pills mix and they're not supposed to she could break out in hives or grow a second head or something. (On the upside, having a second head might expand her dramatic range.) The key party possibility is especially disconcerting because, c'mon, they're my parents, and just thinking about that makes me want to throw up more than anyone has ever thrown up in the history of the world. I'm not sure where I'm going with this; I think the moral is to never watch "The Ice Storm" if you live anywhere that might experience severe winter weather.

* When driving conditions are difficult everyone becomes anxious, and when people are anxious they're more likely to be terse than chatty. Since I hate when people say things like "Good morning!" and "How are you?", I wish everyone was terse all the time.

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