Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Another Reminder: Fire Bad

I know you've all been busy with the not being gay in Senegal thing, so I hate to add more to your plate, but this is very important: Make sure you don't set your ex on fire. And make sure you're not set on fire by your ex. It might not seem like it in the heat of the moment, but there are better, less criminal ways of expressing yourself. (Personally, I'm more the silent treatment type, but others have found great success in collaborating with Timbaland on kiss-off singles or in writing one of the worst films Mike Nichols ever directed.)

Lesbians should pay particular attention to the no-fire edict; between the Celestia debacle and 40 years' worth of negative portrayals in film and television, enough people already think we're bonkers without yahoos like this tabloid-courting heiress broad -- whose name I won't mention because I like security guards not knowing who she is -- fanning the flames. So to speak.

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