Friday, October 17, 2008

Faux-Lesbianism: Part II


This is the part of the faux-lesbianism debate where we get a glimpse into Don Vito Corleone's childhood in Sicily, his voyage to America, his adventures in rug-stealing with Clemenza, and the totally awesome way in which he disposed of Don Fanucci. (And that's not even getting into Michael Corleone's trip to Havana and his dealings with Hyman Roth, or Fredo's fatal Johnny Ola slip-up.).

Sorry, I got confused there for a minute. This is the part of the faux-lesbianism debate in which an actual lesbian—Jane Czyzselska, editor of Diva magazine, which is Europe's answer to Curve—weighs in, managing to do so in a non-sucky way. You know, unlike the Australian article that I complained about so bitterly earlier this week. Czyzselska was responding to Jodie Marsh's recent declaration that she's giving lesbianism a whirl.

Jodie Marsh, for those of you who haven't heard of her, is an English "glamour model" who is seemingly famous for having enormous fake breasts and wearing lots of eye shadow. She has used those breasts and the clown makeup she spackles onto her face to pose naked for magazines and appear on crappy TV shows. On the subject of her new relationship with a hairdresser named Nina, Jodie had this to say:
"I've had loads of shit men. I can see why women turn lesbian, because you get to the point where you're sick of hearing so much fucking bullshit, so you start to look elsewhere. Nina's really sexy. She asked me out and we've been on a few dates. I think she's a cool girl. I love the way she kisses and she doesn't fuck me about. I feel comfortable with her. Nina's as sexy as any man."
Marsh continued, "We're currently in negotiations to film a sex tape that will be 'stolen' from my home and released for $49.99 per download at www.redlightdistr—uh, did I say that aloud? Sometimes I get confused and don't know if I'm saying what I'm thinking or thinking what I'm saying, or even what I'm thinking or saying at all. Does that make sense? It's like the time I went to apply for a passport and said my nationality was waffles because I hadn't eaten breakfast yet and my stomach was growling."

Okay, she didn't say that. As far as I know. But you can see why a statement like "I can see why women turn lesbian," and the fact that she's publicizing the relationship right from the start, doesn't inspire a lot of confidence. As Czyzselska writes:
I don't wish to be cynical, if this is indeed the path of new and true love for Jodie, but I was rather disappointed to read a supporting comment that suggests that she believes men are so feckless it's a wonder that more girls don't "turn lesbian". I had rather hoped that this so-called explanation for lesbianism had gone the way of the Sinclar C5.

... It may come as a surprise to Jodie that most of the lesbians I've met have chosen their partners because they are attracted to women and not because of a latent hatred of men.
Then there's this news bulletin:
And finally, I hate to burst Jodie's bubble about love life with our own sex, but when it comes to being "fucked about", even women who love women have their moments.
That's very true, as any seasoned professional will tell you. If you're looking to escape relationship drama, the last thing you want to do is try lesbianism. I don't know enough about Marsh to have much of an opinion about this latest announcement of hers, so I'll limit my comments to the following: If nothing else, she has the right first name for engaging in a bit of lesbianism. But wouldn't it be more newsworthy for an adult model type to say she hasn't fooled around with other women?

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