So says avowed Clay Aiken fan ClaysCutiePie14 over at the Clayboard, and I know how she feels because that's how I feel ... about the Clayboard. I can't stop visiting that website. I've already compiled a companion piece to my previous post about the Claymate reaction to Aiken's coming out, but I won't have everything ready until tomorrow. Still, I couldn't wait to post this, the campiest Claymate post of all time. It starts off slow, but stick with it and I promise you won't be disappointed:
"This is an extremely upsetting time for me, so this will be my last post on this board, or any other Clay board... because the music and a part of me died yesterday.
"Like so many of his fans, I have invested over five years of promoting him in every way I knew how, especially to young people, including my three young nephews and four teenage nieces. But he lied to us for those five years... presenting himself as someone that he is the very opposite of.
"I have lost all respect for him... I will never be able to look at him the same again.
"I will never be able to listen to him sing, "O Holy Night," knowing he desires unholy nights."
That's really something, isn't it? That's the kind of line only Divine could deliver. It was post #1267 in this thread, and there's more to it than what I quoted (the user asks for her account to be deleted) but none of it tops that.
9/25 UPDATE: Here are the additional quotes I was talking about. Fan reaction was more negative yesterday than it had been the night before, but there were still many more posts in support of Clay than posts condemning his decision to come out. They're still crazy as hell, but not as homophobic as one might expect.
"I specifically woke up early to read what People had to say and I am so glad I did. It's just amazing to me that he is so concerned with his fans in taking this courageous step. Clearly this wasn't an easy thing for him and he knows it won't be easy for some of his fans. Clay truly is a man of integrity. He's my hero and I love him with all my heart. Always and forever."
"It breaks my heart that some will chose not to support him any longer. THIS is what I am having a hard time accepting and not the fact that he is gay."
"Why is he courageous know? Wasn't he courageous when he said he was a christian,virgin and not gay? I am still asking myself this.............."
"I think the way this whole drama has been played for the last 5 years just stinks. IMO, he chose the role as the mistreated victim using his dysfunctional childhood, acting like the naive country bumpkin and hiding behind the kind skirts of a misguided fan club. And now, IMO, using his precious, innocent baby to shield him from the blows of his deceit, his manipulation, and his cowardice. I am so tired of the derogatory comments Clay so intentionally makes in almost all of his interviews and I am even more tired of the affect it has on the "poor Clay" label his fans are too eager to extend to him. His baby is the true victim in this last chapter on Clay Aiken's sexual orientation. Harsh post, yes, but I have a right to voice my perceptions just as those who find a need to defend his honor have the same right."
"I came for the Voice. I stayed for the Man.....he said so many times he was. I am sad to be slowly leaving for the man he now has proclaimed to be."
"i am horrifed that some think he is using Parker to deflate the impact of this news. I think he truly feels this is his story and journey for the last 5 years and he is FINALLY ready to talk about it. Parker gave him the courage-children make you a different person-you are not the number 1 priority anymore. I actually can understand that and why he chose now."
"It wasn't until I saw Clay in Spamalot that I became convinced that he had not been telling us the truth (I can't put my finger on what it was, exactly, but I just felt it in my gut for the first time during that performance); then when the story about the baby was reported I believed it was confirmation that he was, in fact, gay and I had allowed myself to be deceived all those years. Now I think that Clay wants to have his cake and eat it too: He wants us to continue to love him and to support him even though he is not the person we were led to believe he was, and he wants us to embrace the person he always was but is just now admitting to being and who I would never have supported if I had been told the truth in the first place! I know he wants me to feel sorry for him but I don't. I think he has known since puberty. I just wish he would have kept quiet about it instead of blabbing in a major publication. Now I have to endure the humiliation of being proven to be incredibly STUPID! I have donated all my Clay Aiken tee shirts, CDs, etc. to charity and some of the stuff ended up in the landfill, which is a good place for it. To Clay I say: Depart from me, I never knew you."
"During Idol and maybe the year after I just told myself he wasn't gay because I didn't want to think he was because he was just too cute and I was so into him, but then I couldn't go on any more fawning over him and whatever because it felt weird. All the signs were there, even the gay community tried to tell people and of all people, they should know. I'm just amazed that as the years went by people still thought he was straight. Serious denial going on by many of his fans..."
"I remeber a time when everyone used to say his personal life was his own, and what he did in it was NO ONES business. Not even ours and that if he was happy we would be happy. What happened to THAT? Did some of y'all LIE when those words were spoken as well?"
"In the midst of joy, profound hearbreak. In the relief of releasing truth, a realization that part of our community has died. I won't pretend that everything is fine and dandy when so many are hurting. I keep going between knowing Clay is happier to being aware that so many have been hit with a painful shock to their hearts."
"Wow. Didn't see that one coming. I mean people say stuff, but hello, every musician/actor has that said about them at SOME point."
"How sad that he lived in a prison that we built for him. I'm glad he's found the strength to finally knock down the door and breathe real air. May peace surround you today and every day. Clay I forgive you for lying"
"Umm, I'm 58 and the only things that surprise me are (1) that anyone is surprised and (2) that anyone in 2008 is still calling being gay a "lifestyle"."
"I really did not care to post how I feel about everything but I have to. I first want to say I am sad, and I cried all night, and I am still crying, my tears now are for some of the hateful things being said about him."
"My sweet husband sent me flowers today because he knew that I am being bombarded by "I told you so" emails yesterday and today. He is my true love. I will continue to buy Clay's cd's, and go to concerts because I LOVE his music. Today's been hard for me but I will get over it."
"I don't post much, but I check this site every day. I was one who was sooooooooooo sure Clay was straight. But you know what? After the initial shock that lasted maybe one minute, I found myself holding back tears of joy because I hit me that he was setting himself free and releasing a burden. This mad-talented, intelligent, compassionate, quirky guy deserves peace and happiness. I love him more today than yesterday and I can't wipe the grin off my face."
"I actually feel like my fandom for Clay has been renewed, because I felt that all this time he has not been true to himself and I pretty much have a new found respect for him for finally coming forth and being honest about who he is."
"Clay thinks it was okay to lie to his fans but it's not okay to raise his son with a lie and that's supposed to be 'courageous'? 'Courageous' would have been admitting it to the gay community when they wanted him to be a role model for them. Instead he shunned the gay community. He wouldn't have anything at all to do with them. He was too good for them. IMHO his sole purpose for not admitting it until now is because he knew that he would not have had a career otherwise. He knew how some of the fans he courted from the beginning with his claims of wanting to be a role model would react to the truth and so he deliberately deceived them."
"I'm so glad I wont have to read fantasies about him marrying Jaymes or any other woman ever again. What a relief."