Saturday, September 27, 2008

John McCain's No Sandra Bullock


Just wanted to remind you all, in case you missed it any of the eight thousand times he pointed it out last night: John McCain was never voted Miss Congeniality.

McCain seemed to wear this failure like a badge of honor, not realizing it was both a groaner of a line and a repeated reminder of his appallingly unqualified running mate, who isn't allowed to take questions from reporters but used to put on a swimsuit for a panel of judges in hopes of winning a tiara.

Truthfully, a Miss Congeniality title could only help his campaign at this point; McCain's irritability and juvenile unwillingness to even look at Obama during the debate hasn't played well with voters. Plus, if box office returns are any indication, America loves a bumbling but ultimately competent beauty pageant contestant. McCain seemed to have the bumbling part down as he informed us of the advanced age of his pen (which appeared to be a Sharpie) and launched into countless meandering anecdotes of dubious relation to the topics he was asked to discuss. What he didn't do was convince anyone he could foil a terrorist plot as ably -- or dare I say as adorably -- as Sandra Bullock.*

* Well, I'm assuming she foiled the plot in Miss Congeniality. I've only seen about ten minutes of that movie but the fact that a sequel was made indicates everyone survived. Bullock, come to think of it, is no stranger to battling terrorism. There was Dennis Hopper in Speed, Willem Dafoe in Speed 2, cyberterrorists in The Net, the beauty pageant terror plot in Miss Congeniality, and I won't even get into Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. She's a one-woman Department of Homeland Security.

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