Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Is Mayor McCheese a Homosexual?

Leggings, a sash, a pince-nez... Could Mayor McCheese be any gayer?

Are the Golden Arches a gateway to gay sex? Do Happy Meals now come with poppers and lube? These are the questions I ask myself each time I receive a new Google Alert about McDonald's and their supposed promotion of the gay agenda.

Maybe if I followed the links to more of these articles, I wouldn't have to wonder. But they mostly come from websites with names like Stop the ACLU and have sleazy headlines that blare "McDonald's Profits Help Fund Naked Homosex-Fest." (Well, we know the money won't be going toward clothes...) While I'm the first to admit I'm not the sharpest tool in the monkey barrel -- just a few short years ago, I thought Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman were a business arrangement for the ages -- I'd recognize the stench of right-wing zealotry anywhere. (Where I grew up, it was a fragrant blend of sweat worked up during an illicit encounter in a rest-stop bathroom and eau de KFC.) My amazing powers of prescience tell me these articles are all about one thing: the latest American Family Association boycott of the fast food chain, prompted by a $20,000 donation to the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce.

I'm not opposed to reading crap, having amassed in my formative years an impressive library of Sweet Valley High books, but I can't bring myself to read anything that takes the AFA seriously. They're a bunch of money-grubbing hatemongers who'd boycott their own mothers for a bit of publicity, and the best thing you can do is ignore them. Still, when I skimmed the latest Alert to arrive in my inbox, I was a little tempted to follow the link and post a comment. The headline, which read "McDonald's Is Digging In Its Heels In Support of Homosexuality," was too perfect a set-up. My fingers itched to reply, Listen, Einstein, the fact that McDonald's wears heels was your first sign they "support homosexuality."

The urge eventually passed, but I remain mildly curious about the content of the article. Does it define what constitutes support of homosexuality? Is there a "Vote Yes on Homosexuality" pin you can buy somewhere? If you make a donation to homosexuality, do you get a complimentary tote, or is that strictly a PBS thing? I don't understand these people.

And Now a Word from Our Sponsors