Saturday, June 7, 2008

Alec Baldwin's Presidential Eff, Marry, Kill

"I'm thinking new window treatments for the Lincoln Bedroom."

Asked who he'd "boff, marry or kill" between Hillary Clinton, John McCain and Barack Obama, Alec Baldwin (the talented Baldwin, the Baldwin nine out of ten dentists recommend) answered that he'd sleep with Hillary and wed the senator from Illinois. Baldwin told The Observer:
"Barack would just be my long-term companion, as they say. I'd have to have sex with a woman because I'm not gay. I wouldn't want to have sex with Barack Obama or McCain. Obama's wife perhaps. Anybody's wife - Bush's wife, McCain's wife, but no men - not even operating the video camera."
As for McCain, Baldwin isn't willing to kill him off:
"Maybe I'd lead him out into the woods and leave him there, and I'd come back and tell you that I'd killed him. But I'd lie, I wouldn't really kill him. And knowing McCain, knowing his past in Vietnam, he'd make it back, he'd survive."
You know, as much as I like Michelle Obama (and I've kind of loved her since reading this New Yorker profile back in March) I'm intrigued by the idea of Baldwin as First Spouse. I imagine him promoting literacy to schoolchildren à la Laura Bush, but instead of sitting there all glassy-eyed and quiet he'd pound on desks and say things like, "We're adding a little something to this month's reading contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired." It would really inspire children to pick up books, I think. Kids love bland, boxy luxury vehicles and free cutlery.

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