Thursday, March 27, 2008

Short Cuts: Pedro Blogs, Joss Stone Snogs Edition

"Even my Oscars are post-operative transsexuals."

Pedro Almodóvar, one of the world's greatest (and, it should go without saying, gayest) living filmmakers, will blog about the making of his next movie, Broken Hugs, when it begins filming in May. Almodóvar's Spanish website will publish English and French translations of the blog entries, much to the consternation of Babel Fish, which was hoping to cause more gender confusion than anything we've ever seen in one of Pedro's movies by translating the director's anecdotes for non-Spanish speaking cinéastes around the world.

"Never mind designer frocks, I find my clothes in the windows of abandoned VW Transporters."

British soul songstress Joss Stone, once known as a ferociously talented teen phenom, now known as a wearer of dresses that look like bad LSD trips, will join Depends spokeswoman and Black Eyed Peas member Fergie in the ranks of singers-turned-movie-lesbians when she makes her big-screen debut in something called Snappers. Stone says she will share a "long, lingering French kiss" with a female costar. Her fellow Janis Joplin disciple Melissa Etheridge could not be reached for comment (probably because no one tried to contact her), but we imagine she'd say something like, "Who cares?" And she'd be right, because the only upcoming long, lingering lesbian movie kiss that matters is the one between Penélope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson in Vicky Cristina Barcelona. (I see it in my head at least once a night, and let me tell you, it's really something.)

In other news...

Women's football aficionado and recent L Word guest star Kelly McGillis has found religion. The kind that still lets her use electricity, in case you were wondering. What I'm wondering is what that means for her personal life, but that's something she doesn't talk about now that she's divorced, so the world may never know.

In other other news...

Thandie Newton, star of the new David Schwimmer movie Run, Fatboy, Run, is hot. Okay, so anyone with the gift of sight already knew that. But did you also know that she's friends with Saffron Burrows, or that the last book she read was Justine Picardie's Daphne? Well, now you do. Don't you feel very strongly that this information, or at least the picture I'm about to post, profoundly enriches your life in ways you can't describe?

I mean, look at that. That photograph, dear reader, makes me want to dance around the room like Gene Kelly. And I have stacks of books all over the place and I'm a world-renowned klutz, so that could be dangerous, not just for me but for my pets, my antique lamp, and most of all, my pride. It might be wiser, then, to slowly exclaim a simple, appreciative holy jeez and leave it at that.

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