Sunday, January 27, 2008

Survey: Britons Lie About Being Gay

"Me? I just haven't met the right woman yet."

The Office for National Statistics, which carried out a poll of 4,000 UK residents, has reported that only one in 100 respondents described themselves as gay. The Office, which acknowledged that some survey takers didn't understand the question about their sexuality and that researchers even failed to ask it in 15 percent of interviews, called the results "not a reliable estimate" of the gay population. Which should go without saying, shouldn't it, when you're talking about the same part of the world that embraced Blue, Boyzone, Samantha Fox, Kylie Minogue, Westlife, Robbie Williams and countless similar acts with such unbridled enthusiasm?

That's right, Great Britain — or should that be Gay Britain? — we're on to you. And it's not just your questionable taste in music that raised a pink flag. No, we've seen the way you love your AbFab and Helen Mirren. We've noticed your prurient interest in Cristiano Ronaldo's sex life and BBC adaptations of Sarah Waters novels. You're fooling about as many people as Morrissey, you sad wankers. Go on, call yourselves gay. If I could come out while attending high school in the friggin' Midwest, in a town that has more churches than fast food restaurants, I think you can divulge your orientation to a stranger with a clipboard.

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